FUNDINI
✨ YOUR FUNDING WIZARD ✨
🧙♂️ TEXT ME!
Tap to choose how ✨
Text me bro
Thy funding awaits 🧙♂️
Funded in minutes, not months.
No forms. No phone calls. Just text me ✨
Unnervingly Fast
Thy broker is still "reviewing thy file." I have already conjured three offers. This is what I do, mortal.
Sworn to Protect
I have walked these markets for centuries. I make funders compete for thy deal. No dark arts. Well... minimal dark arts.
I Do Not Sleep
I have existed since before interest rates. Text me at 3am. I will be here, ready, with the scroll. This is... what the youth call "bussin."
How the Spell Works ✨
🔮
Summon Me
Text thy business name. I divine the rest. 30 seconds, mortal. This is the way.
⚔️
Funders Compete
I send forth the ravens. They battle for thy deal. You pick the victor.
💰
Collect Thy Gold
Sign from thy phone. Your witcher tosses a coin to you. Go forth and conquer.
Bet. Let's Go 🧙♂️
Term Loans · Lines of Credit · SBA · Revenue-Based Financing
$10K to $5M+ · All credit scores · All industries
Bank-level encryption
No credit score impact
Funded as fast as same day
7+ funding partners
Common Questions 🔮
What kind of businesses qualify?
›
Almost all. Restaurants, retail, e-commerce, contractors, salons, medical practices — if you've been in business 4+ months with $10K+ monthly revenue, you likely qualify. Even with bad credit 🧙♂️
How fast can I get funded?
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Minutes to hours, not days or weeks. Text me your business info, send bank statements, sign the app — I send thy deal to multiple funders simultaneously. Offers come back fast ⚡
Is this a loan?
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I connect you with the best funding type for YOUR situation — merchant cash advances, revenue-based financing, term loans, lines of credit, SBA loans. I analyze your business and match you with the right product and funder 🛡️
Does this affect my credit score?
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Nope. Soft pull only — no impact on thy credit. The funders in my network use revenue and bank statements to decide, not just credit scores ✅
How much does it cost me?
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Texting me is free. If you get funded, the funder pays my commission — not you. Zero cost to you. I'm basically a magical benefactor 💰